Jest a Second column: I used up to now … – Pittsburg Morning Solar
Columns share an author’s personal perspective.
In my earlier years, I dated several women who worked in various health professions. Although it worked out well in the end, I suffered a few rejections along the way:
I used to date a radiologist, but she saw right through me.
I used to date a podiatrist, but we got off on the wrong foot.
I used to date a dentist until she tried to remove my Bluetooth.
I used to date a cardiologist, but she didn’t think my heart was in the right place.
I used to date a chiropractor, but she had too many back issues.
I used to date an allergist, but it was seasonal.
I used to date a proctologist, but we couldn’t work it out.
I used to date a pediatrician, but she had little patience.
I used to date a psychiatrist. Everyone said I was nuts.
I used to date an anesthesiologist, but knocked myself out getting it to work.
I used to date an orthopedic surgeon. She soon set me straight.
I used to date an acupuncturist, but she lost her license to practice so it became pointless.
I used to date a urologist until a friend warned “urine trouble.”
I used to date a retired gynecologist, but she just couldn’t deliver anymore.
I used to date a plastic surgeon, but she wanted to see new faces.
I used to date a pharmacist, but seems I was just a placebo in her clinical trial.
I used to date a hypnotherapist. Sure, I was entranced, but only subconsciously.
I used to date a geriatrician, but after a few weeks she said it was just getting old.
I used to date an audiologist, but she dumped me. It was a sound decision.
I used to date a physical therapist, but it was a useless exercise.
I used to date an optometrist, but she said I got on her optic nerve.
I used to date a neurosurgeon, but she kept trying to change my mind.
I used to date a dermatologist. I know, it was rash.
I used to date an ophthalmologist, but her jokes were cornea than mine.
I used to date a nurse, but she started seeing another guy TID with meals.
I used to date another nurse. And married her. She’s still in recovery.
Nick Thomas teaches at Auburn University at Montgomery, Ala., and has written features, columns, and interviews for over 850 newspapers and magazines. See www.getnickt.org.